The Real Reasons Why You Should ‘Never Say Never’
Here’s a fun little article I’m getting out there considering ‘never say never’ is what my blog is based on.
Okay, so I’m going to honest, I’m probably considered a pessimist. Certainly, my mother has said to it me many times in past when I’ve had a meltdown. She’d always say ‘nooo, stop being so negative!’ But it’s true, I can be a massive anxiety-filled stress head, thinking of every possible bad scenario there is.
If you’ve read my ‘about me/never say nether‘ page, you’ll know that this journey began in my final year of university. As a distraction from my mounting essay deadlines, I booked a last-minute (ish) flight to Düsseldorf in Germany. This is where my best friend had moved to a few months previously as part of his university course.
That’s where the story begins.
Why I Shouldn’t Have Said ‘Never’
I’d been aboard many times with my parents and loved immersing myself in a different country, but this was the first time I had ever gone overseas alone to stay with a friend where we could literally do whatever we liked.
We did some sightseeing, I met his international friends, I went to predrinks and went out clubbing. We caught the German underground drunk at 6 am eating doughnuts from a Subway stand and watched people doing their daily commute to work. Then we went to a bakery in the mornings, a pizza place in the evening and I spent way too long in the supermarket staring at all the Haribo.
I had a great time but I felt so uneasy – there’s a massive difference between going on holiday and actually living abroad. I followed in his footsteps for a week and as amazing it was the first thing I said to my partner when I got home was ‘I would never live abroad, I couldn’t cope!‘
So, I said I’d never live abroad. Why? Because I felt uneasy? But why? When you really think about it, for that reason alone, it’s ridiculous. It all boils down to confidence and at that moment I was back to my pessimistic self saying out loud that I couldn’t do something.
Fast forward and I’m over 3 years into living in another country, with that exact partner who I told I wouldn’t live abroad to.
I’ll be lying if I said that ‘uneasiness’ has wilted away because it hasn’t, but I’m still here and that’s just the point. If I wasn’t here I wouldn’t be writing this blog. Never say never!
What Does Never Say Nether Mean anyway?
Skip this bit if you know, but if you don’t then we need to get acquainted. It’s what my blog is based on after all.
P.S. I live in the Netherlands, so it’s a good play on words if I do say so myself.
According to dictionary.com, never say never is an idiom used to explain that ‘nothing is impossible [and] anything can happen.’ For example, if someone is saying they would ‘never’ do something, then a response of ‘never say never!’, would suggest that the person should not make such a bold statement about something they can’t predict. And a bold statement it is. But why?
1. You Won’t Know What The Future Holds Until It Arrives
This IS pretty much the reason why you should never say never. As time passes, so does your direction, whether that’s deliberate or not. Your tastes change, YOU change and you have to go along with the flow half of the time. Of course, some things are simple blatant fact, but that’s not why this saying ever became a thing. People say ‘never’ for a multitude of reasons and if it’s for reasons like mine, then you need to step back and think about what you’re saying.
The word ‘never’ has a negative and permanent connotation. So, unless you’re mystic meg (only Brits will get this reference, I’m sorry), then you can’t predict your future.
2. Insecurities Aren’t Facts
Half of the ‘never’s’ come from a place of insecurity. Insecurities aren’t necessarily facts. Failing your test is a factual event, calling yourself stupid is an insecurity formed from the fact, but it’s not the fact itself. Instead of saying ‘I’m never going to pass, I’m stupid.’ Say to yourself, ‘I failed this time around, but this doesn’t mean I won’t pass in the future.’
3. People Change Constantly
Okay, so say hypothetically I moved and I didn’t cope living abroad at the age of 20, 2 years later I did. At the time I was right, but now I’m not. The word ‘never’ is too absolute and not much is these days (apart from death). We change as people on a day to day basis, whether we realise it or not. Those days turn into weeks, months and years and then you’re faced with a lot of differences.
In short, whether we realise it or not, many of us put ourselves and our situations down by telling ourselves and others that things will ‘never’ happen or ‘never’ change and that just isn’t true most of the time. I too am learning about directing my train of thought to ‘maybe not right now’ instead of ‘never.’
Do you find yourself doing this? Tell me your story! Drop it in the comments.
* The irony of this whole post is that it’s only a thing because I told myself that I was ‘never’ going to be able to fall asleep. (It’s 4:30 am on a weekday and I’m writing this). I also said that I couldn’t understand why Dutch people like Hardstyle and that I’d never ever like it. Guess what? I’m listening to that genre right now too. I’m a super hypocrite. 😉